Growing Up

I realized something this weekend.

It is time for me to start growning up. At 33 years old I still find myself inclined to devour (sp?) a batch of cookies instead of eating one or two. When I make spaghetti for dinner I want to pile my plate high and go to town. How about ice cream? Who needs a bowl when you can just eat 1/2 a carton?

These are the tendencies and urges I battle on a regular basis. Pretty juevenile. When I look at my kids I completely understand their childish urge to guzzle a 24 oz bottle of Coke. I, as the wise mommy, know to temper that desire because it isn't good for them. Yet I struggle daily to do this with myself.

I'm getting better at telling myself no, but am struggling with the emotions that this brings up. Case in point: we had friends over Sunday afternoon. It was a really nice afternoon. They have six kids as well, about the same age as ours. the kids played nicely and we, the adults, were able to relax and visit. I made a huge veggie platter, a delicious (if I do say so myself) fruit salad, and hamburgers on the grill. We also had chips and potato salad for everyone, not necessarily for me. My friend brought dessert . . . her famously delicious cookie bars . . . which I renamed "sin in a pan" last summer. I did good. I ate lots of fruit and veggies and allowed myself a cheeseburger. I even ate one serving of the potato chips (Lay's tomato and basil, to DIE for delicious!). But I knew I couldn't eat one of those cookie bars. They are so good but SO fattening! I persevered and did not indulge but it was SO hard! I actually felt a LOSS when she left and there were none for me to eat. My head knows that this is irrational. But, this is the hurdle I am trying to get over right now.

I call this hurdle growing up. So if anyone knows any tricks to getting over this hurdle I would LOVE to hear them! For now, I will have to say no. I sent the chips to work with Eric so I wouldn't be tempted by them.

I'm down 3.8 pounds this week! This was a big shocker as I was expecting a 1 or 2 pound loss. Just 21 more pounds to a big goal of mine . . . 100#'s lost.

=-)

The Long Haul

Another week, another three pounds! I am very pleased with the result but also a little frustrated with myself. Every week I get going and do great. I am focused. I eat well, I work out hard, I feel GOOD! Then the weekend hits and I inevitably hit rock bottom. Sometimes it's a party, sometimes it is just a bad day, sometimes I think it is just me being STUBBORN! When I look back I feel frustrated by where I COULD be. I could be another 10 pounds closer to my goal if not for my slip-ups. In the end I am only hurting myself. When I was in the contest I NEVER, EVER, EVER did this. I was very in-tuned to all of the money and time that was donated for me to have the opportunity so it was not an option to skimp on a workout or blow it on my food-intake. With the contest gone, the accountability went with it. I have had several attempts to create some accountability with friends and/or family since then. This doesn't really work the same. Your friends and family love you and when you screw up they are there to tell you it is okay. They might even give you a little push to get back on the wagon. But that isn't really the same.
So, somehow, I have to learn to be accountable to MYSELF! When I see the bag of chips or the piece of cake I have to say no for ME! That is a TALL, TALL order, friends. Food tastes good. I like a lot of that naughty stuff. I also have learned that I don't like some of it. But, alas I am not at a place where I can indulge in a single serving of the chips or a single piece of the cake. So I just have to say, "NO." Not because someone gave me an opportunity, not because I want to win a prize, not because I don't want to let someone else down. I need to learn to say, "NO!" because I don't want to dissapoint myself.

I'm going to chew on that for a while . . . .



oh . . . if you are curious about the Coca-Cola experiment . . . .

ew, ew, ew. Four days after putting the nail in a 4 oz cup of Coke the nail was GONE, people! I didn't believe it would happen, but it DID! No more Coke for me! This definitely made an impression on my boys as well. They were immediately concerned because, "Daddy drank a bunch of Coke last night!" as Joey put it. We now have nails in cups of Ginger Ale and 7-Up. It won't have the same result, but who am I to squelch their curiosity . . . Now I need an experiment for these pops, otherwise I can here it now . . . "Gee, Mom, this pop must be healthy!"

We are going to do this experiment with Diet Coke next. I just need to buy some at the store. . .

She DID It!

That's right, folks! It only took me three weeks to actually do it, but I went under the 200# mark this week! I officially weighed in at 198 on Tuesday morning! Oh, does it feel GOOD!

I have been trying to get to this point for what seems like soooo long, and I am finally here! There's no stopping me now! I am pumped and ready to push on and get to that next goal!

**********

We are going to try an experiment later this week. We will put a nail in a cup of Coke and see what happens. I am told that the nail will disappear. Ewww, and people DRINK that? My kids are obsessed with pop. I am hoping that this will help them to see why I don't want them to drink it!

It's Time to Get to Gettin'

Alright. Here it is. For the last two weeks I have been treating myself right in the gym and then ruining it all in the kitchen. Not every day, but most days I have ended up eating crazy stuff in crazy quantities, usually for NO REASON! Each day I start over, telling myself that I CAN DO THIS and that I am back on track. Inevitably I end up ruining it at some point.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! NO MORE!

I am really frustrated and annoyed with myself. I don't want to be like this. I should be down around 195 right now. Instead I am lingering at 202, having gained a pound for the first time in 17 weeks. Sure, grand scheme a pound is nothing. But right now, in the moment, a pound is a big deal. Gaining one can very easily turn into 2, then 5, then 10 . . . I'm determined to NOT go down THAT road again. Maybe I needed to gain a pound to wake myself up? I don't know but I will tell you this: I AM AWAKE!
Back to journaling everything. I have asked someone I trust to hold me accountable with my journal and review it each week. That helps me. It is a pride thing, really. Knowing someone is going to look at it motivates me to eat right and make it the most beautiful food journal EVER!
I also need more sleep. I have been staying up too late and I am exhausted every day.
I am going to do this! I am going to reach my goals! Not for anyone else, for ME!
Mark my words. Next week I will be 198 and below!