But it Doesn't Matter

In my book, "the Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer", the topic this week is on negative messages. How timely! The author suggests that when you hear yourself giving a negative message in your head (such as my legs hurt, I'm tired, the kids are acting up, I hate doing dishes . . .) to tack on to the end of the statement, "but it doesn't matter." At first I scoffed at the idea. Ridiculous. But then later in the day I was doing my run and feeling sluggish and I told myself, "But it doesn't matter." And by-golly it HELPED! I've used it several times. Who'd have thunk?! I had a great group session with behaviorist Sarah Roth with FWSW. Our meetings usually go 1 1/2 hours tops. We went 2 1/2! It was such a good session. the time just FLEW by. I missed my workout. But it didn't really matter. It was such an eye-opening session, one of the est thus far. The old me would have stressed the rest of the day about not getting that workout in. The new me did NOT. I realize how valuable this time is for me in this process. And I let it go. And I had a really nice day! The kids and I went to lunch with my dad and then we went to Shoaff Park to play. We did the 1.5 mile walk around the golf course. Our family pace is officially ONE MILE AN HOUR, thank you very much! We stopped back at my parent's house for a piece of the cake Charlie made that morning (ooo a BAT!) and headed home. Everyone was in bed by 9:30 and I got to read my magazine for a bit before dozing off. The only snaffoo in the day was that I didn't eat enough. Through the course of the day, everything I ate was a good choice, which makes me feel good. However I didn't eat ENOUGH. So by the time I got home and everyone settled and ate my dinner I had reached that point of hungry where it just nags at you. so I ended up eating way too much. I'm not going to let this derail my efforts. Today is a new day and I'm moving on. But first I want to stop for a moment and learn from it. Most of the day I had had that feeling when I ate. That feeling that says I'm still hungry. Usually, if I wait a bit and drink some water I realize that I am actually full and move on. That didn'thappen yesterday and I just tried to ignore it. It kind of built up and then by the end of the day it was just too much. I was too obsessed about the calories. I knew my caloried for the day were spot on throughout so I tried to convince myself that I wasn't really hungry. Perfect example of me focusing too much on the numbers. So the lesson I'm taking from this is to listen to myself. and if I actually am still hungry, EAT! Don't save it all up for the end of the day and end up eating agiant bowl of Kraft Mac-n-Cheese! Looking forward to the seven miles I GET to run today! I bought a Powerade Max or something for during the run. We'll see if that helps. Ta-Ta-For-Now!

4 Weeks to Indy

Yesterday was my six mile run. 80 minutes. A pretty aweful time for me. I'm so greatful to Eric for his words of encouragement and his excellent perspective. He told me to remember, "It's just six miles." At first I scoffed. What do you MEAN it's "only" six miles! Jerk! But then he went on to point out that if I freak out over six, how will I react to seven, and the eight, etc. Okay . . . maybe he is NOT a jerk! He's so right! I have been reading that as my runs get longer I should have some kind of carb boost mid run to give me that extra kick and keep me going. So I tried this Powerade jel stuff. Banana-Strawberry. The packet said to take with water. Thank God I had the water. I cluldn't have choked it down without it! YUCK. Let me repeat, YUUUUCCCKKKKK! There HAS to be a better way. It was so gross. I will admit that I think it did give me a little boost, but at what cost?! This is definitely something that I will have to research before next weeks 7-miler. I am reading this book called "The Non-Runner"s Marathon Trainer", written by David A. Whitsett, Forrest A. Dolgener, and Tanjala Mabon Kole. It is based off of a class the first two authors teach at a University out west. The class is called "The Marathon Class." Those privileged enough to land a spot (by lottery) go through a 16-week training process in preparation for a full marathon. Once a week class is spent on the psychological aspects of such an endevor, the other class is spent on the physiological aspects. They run (jog) four times a week, following a precise schedule that includes one long run a week. At the time of publishing the class had been offered five times with up to 50+ people taking the class. Only one person hasn't finished their marathon at the end of the six weeks. That person admits that they did not finish because they did not follow the plan. Pretty impressive record! I am using this book to help me prepare for my marathon. It is very helpful. This week I learned that my running stance is wrong. Dang it. But now I know, so I can fix it. Also, they talked about how I don't need to stress so much about the time. That makes me feel a bit better, especially given my time yesterday. And I think it is good advice. For this year, I just want to focus on actually finishing. Its about proving to mySELF that I CAN do it, that I am strong enough and good enough. So I'm going to try to not worry so much about the time anymore. (But then I am kind of anal, so we'll see how that works out!) 4 weeks from now I will be running 13.1 miles through the streets of Indianapolis. I need to let that sink in . . .

fighting the Negative nmessages of the Culture

This list was generated at the last FWSW group meeting in March . . . --talk about it with others --positive self-talk --surround yourself with the right kind of people --educate yourself --find balance --focus on choices and lifestyle, not on image --be honest with yourself --set your limitations and stick to them. --do positive things for yourself --face your fears --exercise! (when you exercise your body releases an amount of seratonin equivilant to a low dose anti depresent --don't overthing the food ~~~~ and I would like to add THIS one, after the negative assult I recieved last week . . . NEVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN'T DO SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU ARE OVERWEIGHT. My whole life the culture (at large, and within my circle of life) has told me I can't. I've had all kinds of lies shoved down my throat . . . you're not pretty enough . . . you're fat . . . you're dumb . . . you're too young . . . you're too smart . . . you're too fat . . . you're too busy . . . you have too many kids (ain't no such thing, baby!) . . . you're not holy enough . . . you're too holy . . .you don't work hard enough . . . you work too hard . . . I could go on and on. There is one place in my life where I have learned to actually love who I am, and that is at Spiece Fieldhouse, home to the Fort Wayne's Smallest Winner program. It is there that I learned to believe in myself. It is there that I learned that anything is possible and there is NOTHING that I cannot do. When I am there I don't feel like I have to hide in the back row and be quiet. I don't have to be perfect when I am there. Just plain me is good enough. There, MOST people understand that life is a journey and that none of us are perfect, its more about how you get there and what you choose to do with your life. I lost a day of my life last week to one of the worst depressions I have ever experienced when I allowed someone to convince me yet again that I am not enough. That it isn't okay for me to be me because of my weight. I will never give that power to anyone again. And I thank GOD for putting people in my life to help me remember the truth about me. They are true friends that I will cherish forever and always!