Indianapolis Mini Marathon . . . Check!

So . . . the Indy Mini was this weekend. I went hoping to finish under 3 hours. I was very anxious, excited, nervous, all wrapped up in one. I'm not sure why I was a worried. I've done two mini's. But they were inside. I was surrounded by familiar faces the whole
time. And Mama Tina was there at a moments notice to get me anything I needed. This one was different. Outside. Surrounded by 35,000 strangers and totally alone. Well, except for two friends. But we weren't running together.
Should I "carb load", how about "gu" gell or "gu chews" or energy supplements? And what about bathrooms? YOu wouldn't believe the nightmares . . .
So, I "kinda" carb loaded. I had pasta for dinner the night before. And a whole wheat bagel the morning of. And I never needed "gu" before so I opted not to bother.
Running on the street does not compare to running on a gym floor or an inside track. this was definitely tough stuff. I'm sure there are all kinds of reasons that it is different. "Real"runners know the science of the matter. All I can say is that it is more impactful. You feel it.

Many people rave about how "fun" this mini is. OOOooooo, all the people and the bands and entertainment. What.Ev.Er. That is not for me. Running these distances is anything BUT fun. It is WORK. It takes focus and determination. All those "bands" were annoying and a distraction. Bringing the ipod was a good move on my part. I plugged in, focused, and got down to business.

On the up side, there are THIRTY-FIVE THOUSAND people in this race. I was passing people the whole time. That is pretty cool. You can't get bored. Every step you are figuring out where to go next to fit through.

I determined before the start that I would drink at every water station. Everything I have read says to drink early and often. So that is what I did. I zoomed right passed the first gatorade stop. I cannot stand Gatorade, powerade, etc. They make me want to hurl. Litterally. However, after about mile 4 I realized that I was going to have to suck it up and choke it down. My body was going to need it. From there on I did just that. I drew quite a few chuckles from volunteers who watched my contorted expression as I forced myself to drink it.

I jogged the entire distance with the exception of water stops. I allowed myself to walk here while getting a drink. I think this helped me get through it all. And . . . about half way through I said screw it and walked for about two minutes. I RAN the last quarter mile. I seriously had to concentrate on every stride of that final push just to keep myself from stopping.

I walked away from the course knowing that I left it all out there. I could not have pushed any harder. I feel very good about that.

My final time . . . 2:47:34. I am proud of that time.

I am so glad that I put the time in to train for it. I was moderately sore afterwards, mostly because I didn't stretch very much when I was done. More than anything I was EXHAUSTED afterwards. I didn't get enough sleep the night before. Lesson learned.

I can't say that I'm too interested in doing this again. I really don't enjoy running. As I said earlier, it is work. But I will say this, I like what it has done for my body.

And, there is that race in Chicago in October that I'm registered for. . .

But it Doesn't Matter

In my book, "the Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer", the topic this week is on negative messages. How timely! The author suggests that when you hear yourself giving a negative message in your head (such as my legs hurt, I'm tired, the kids are acting up, I hate doing dishes . . .) to tack on to the end of the statement, "but it doesn't matter." At first I scoffed at the idea. Ridiculous. But then later in the day I was doing my run and feeling sluggish and I told myself, "But it doesn't matter." And by-golly it HELPED! I've used it several times. Who'd have thunk?! I had a great group session with behaviorist Sarah Roth with FWSW. Our meetings usually go 1 1/2 hours tops. We went 2 1/2! It was such a good session. the time just FLEW by. I missed my workout. But it didn't really matter. It was such an eye-opening session, one of the est thus far. The old me would have stressed the rest of the day about not getting that workout in. The new me did NOT. I realize how valuable this time is for me in this process. And I let it go. And I had a really nice day! The kids and I went to lunch with my dad and then we went to Shoaff Park to play. We did the 1.5 mile walk around the golf course. Our family pace is officially ONE MILE AN HOUR, thank you very much! We stopped back at my parent's house for a piece of the cake Charlie made that morning (ooo a BAT!) and headed home. Everyone was in bed by 9:30 and I got to read my magazine for a bit before dozing off. The only snaffoo in the day was that I didn't eat enough. Through the course of the day, everything I ate was a good choice, which makes me feel good. However I didn't eat ENOUGH. So by the time I got home and everyone settled and ate my dinner I had reached that point of hungry where it just nags at you. so I ended up eating way too much. I'm not going to let this derail my efforts. Today is a new day and I'm moving on. But first I want to stop for a moment and learn from it. Most of the day I had had that feeling when I ate. That feeling that says I'm still hungry. Usually, if I wait a bit and drink some water I realize that I am actually full and move on. That didn'thappen yesterday and I just tried to ignore it. It kind of built up and then by the end of the day it was just too much. I was too obsessed about the calories. I knew my caloried for the day were spot on throughout so I tried to convince myself that I wasn't really hungry. Perfect example of me focusing too much on the numbers. So the lesson I'm taking from this is to listen to myself. and if I actually am still hungry, EAT! Don't save it all up for the end of the day and end up eating agiant bowl of Kraft Mac-n-Cheese! Looking forward to the seven miles I GET to run today! I bought a Powerade Max or something for during the run. We'll see if that helps. Ta-Ta-For-Now!

4 Weeks to Indy

Yesterday was my six mile run. 80 minutes. A pretty aweful time for me. I'm so greatful to Eric for his words of encouragement and his excellent perspective. He told me to remember, "It's just six miles." At first I scoffed. What do you MEAN it's "only" six miles! Jerk! But then he went on to point out that if I freak out over six, how will I react to seven, and the eight, etc. Okay . . . maybe he is NOT a jerk! He's so right! I have been reading that as my runs get longer I should have some kind of carb boost mid run to give me that extra kick and keep me going. So I tried this Powerade jel stuff. Banana-Strawberry. The packet said to take with water. Thank God I had the water. I cluldn't have choked it down without it! YUCK. Let me repeat, YUUUUCCCKKKKK! There HAS to be a better way. It was so gross. I will admit that I think it did give me a little boost, but at what cost?! This is definitely something that I will have to research before next weeks 7-miler. I am reading this book called "The Non-Runner"s Marathon Trainer", written by David A. Whitsett, Forrest A. Dolgener, and Tanjala Mabon Kole. It is based off of a class the first two authors teach at a University out west. The class is called "The Marathon Class." Those privileged enough to land a spot (by lottery) go through a 16-week training process in preparation for a full marathon. Once a week class is spent on the psychological aspects of such an endevor, the other class is spent on the physiological aspects. They run (jog) four times a week, following a precise schedule that includes one long run a week. At the time of publishing the class had been offered five times with up to 50+ people taking the class. Only one person hasn't finished their marathon at the end of the six weeks. That person admits that they did not finish because they did not follow the plan. Pretty impressive record! I am using this book to help me prepare for my marathon. It is very helpful. This week I learned that my running stance is wrong. Dang it. But now I know, so I can fix it. Also, they talked about how I don't need to stress so much about the time. That makes me feel a bit better, especially given my time yesterday. And I think it is good advice. For this year, I just want to focus on actually finishing. Its about proving to mySELF that I CAN do it, that I am strong enough and good enough. So I'm going to try to not worry so much about the time anymore. (But then I am kind of anal, so we'll see how that works out!) 4 weeks from now I will be running 13.1 miles through the streets of Indianapolis. I need to let that sink in . . .

fighting the Negative nmessages of the Culture

This list was generated at the last FWSW group meeting in March . . . --talk about it with others --positive self-talk --surround yourself with the right kind of people --educate yourself --find balance --focus on choices and lifestyle, not on image --be honest with yourself --set your limitations and stick to them. --do positive things for yourself --face your fears --exercise! (when you exercise your body releases an amount of seratonin equivilant to a low dose anti depresent --don't overthing the food ~~~~ and I would like to add THIS one, after the negative assult I recieved last week . . . NEVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN'T DO SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU ARE OVERWEIGHT. My whole life the culture (at large, and within my circle of life) has told me I can't. I've had all kinds of lies shoved down my throat . . . you're not pretty enough . . . you're fat . . . you're dumb . . . you're too young . . . you're too smart . . . you're too fat . . . you're too busy . . . you have too many kids (ain't no such thing, baby!) . . . you're not holy enough . . . you're too holy . . .you don't work hard enough . . . you work too hard . . . I could go on and on. There is one place in my life where I have learned to actually love who I am, and that is at Spiece Fieldhouse, home to the Fort Wayne's Smallest Winner program. It is there that I learned to believe in myself. It is there that I learned that anything is possible and there is NOTHING that I cannot do. When I am there I don't feel like I have to hide in the back row and be quiet. I don't have to be perfect when I am there. Just plain me is good enough. There, MOST people understand that life is a journey and that none of us are perfect, its more about how you get there and what you choose to do with your life. I lost a day of my life last week to one of the worst depressions I have ever experienced when I allowed someone to convince me yet again that I am not enough. That it isn't okay for me to be me because of my weight. I will never give that power to anyone again. And I thank GOD for putting people in my life to help me remember the truth about me. They are true friends that I will cherish forever and always!

Tough Night

Some days are just hard. Today started at 6:30 a.m. and didn't wrap up until 9:00 p.m. Getting kids to school and meds delivered and trying to get a swim in and pick kids up and doctor appointments and school spring music shows and feeding people and putting people to bed. And millions of us moms do this every day. Today was tough, though. And when things get tough I EAT. It makes me feel better for a few minutes. And then it makes me feel like crap. So I'm trying not to do that anymore. So all of this normal craziness that millions of moms deal with seems a billion times harder because I'm NOT eating it. I know it won't make me feel better but I so want to feel better. Does that even make any sense. Here's a horrible little secret. I am a needy lady who feeds off of affirmations. And when I get the opposite I fall HARD. I have a hard time moving on and letting go when people hurt me. And oh how they have hurt me this week with their words. And by not believing in me and not defending me. Some have. I might not have a lot of friends, but the ones I do have are AWESOME. So why do I get all wrapped up in the people who are NOT good friends? Why can't I just say, "Screw them" and move on? Rejection hurts. My whole life, one person or another has made me feel worthless and not good enough. As a kid I was rejected for not being cool and for being "fat", which I wasn't (until I allowed myself to become so in high school and even then I wasn't "fat"), in high school I was rejected for being poor and not having cool clothes and for being "fat" and shy and not very smart. In college I was rejected for being at the top of my class (love THAT irony). Then I was rejected by my colleagues as a teacher for being too over the top, going to far above and beyond (more beautiful irony). Constant rejection. So here I am, 34 years old trying to convince myself that I AM worth something. It's hard to reverse 34 years of garbage and it doesn't help to get stomped on on a daily basis.

This girl is T.I.R.E.D. This morning I got to the gym early and ran my 4 miles (46 minutes) and then participated in the FWSW workout (aka step class from hell with Amber). It is amazing how even the most basic routine can work you so hard! It was so inspirational to see these new contestants experiencing their first workout with Amber. They are very hard. I think this class is where your head comes into play. You can see them starting to chant "I can't" in their heads. But they CAN! And 15 weeks from now they will know that without a doubt! I love being their to encourage and support them. And THEN there is season three. The past two days I have watched them do these workouts that were so incredibly hard for them a year ago. And now they are so strong and with it and LEADING! It actually brought me to tears a couple times. They have changed their lives forever and I just feel so proud of them! At the end of the workout I was once again overcome by such gratitude to be a part of all of this. Talking to the camera guy on the way out I said, "It's like when I am here I am the best version of myself!" And I mean that. I love who I am when I am there. At Spiece it doesn't matter that I am 60#'s overweight. At Spiece my failures and missteps melt away. At Spiece I am a healthy, active, focused woman! Anything is possible, people! And I can't WAIT to see what is next!

Let's Get it Started!

Did my 5 mile run on Sunday. I actually did 5.4, in about 65-70 minutes. It started out great. We were on a park path, 1.8 miles around. After the first lap I felt awesome. I was even thinking, is this really 1.8? It's too easy! Well, at 3.5 miles my ipod died. BAD NEWS. My feat were already starting to hurt a bit. With no music it was all I could think about. So my last two miles were pretty grewling. I felt bummed about my time at first, thinking I did 5 miles in that time. But given the distractions I think it is pretty good! I walked a bit to get back to my car, my toes stopped cramping, and I was good to go. This weekend: SIX MILES! yikes! Season 4 of Fort Wayne's Smallest Winner (FWSW) has officially begun! Orientation was this Sunday and the first workout was today. It was so fun! I loved being back with so many season 3 people. They have such a fabulous energy! I am really looking forward to this 15 weeks. And the new contestants did so well! The first week is always so challenging and they were troopers today! I am looking forward to getting to know them.