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Food Journals

I hate 'em but I need 'em. I have no time for them but I fail without them.
So here I go again.

8:15a.m. Breakfast 280 cal/ 14g fat
1egg/2egg white omlete with fresh veggies cooked in 2tsp. coconut oil, one slice Ezekial bread with spray butter. *I was going to eat a banana as well, which would have evened out the ratios a bit, but I don't want to eat anything else right now. I'd rather lock my children in the basement and go back to bed. But I won't (*sigh*)

Instead I am going to go make some coffee and get dressed . . .

Even Steven

I attended Zumba for the second time tonight. If you recall from my previous post about this, I was NOT a fan! I learned tonight that not all Zumba classes are created equal!
Tonight I ventured out to TumbleX on Lower Huntington Rd. This is a cheer and gymnastics studio, repleat with bouncy dance floors and everything. This class was so FUN! Still dancy but so much more athletic and fitness oriented! I was entertained, I sweated a gallon or so, and felt like I really WORKED. I would do this again.
So I will correct my previous declaration. Zumba at the Jorgenson YMCA is sick and wrong. Try it out at TumbleX instead!

by the way, Robin now owes ME a workout. Are you trembling in fear, Robin? You SHOULD be! ;-)

Day ?????

I don't even know! This weekend was a blur of fun in the sun and family plans. I am ready for this week. The calendar is EMPTY. No doctor visits, no meetings, just good old EMPTY! That's my kind of week!

So Robin and I discussed perameters. While 1600 cal/ 45g fat looks pretty on paper, it won't always be realistic. And while nachos and brownies are certainly not healthy (Robin!!!), anyone can eat them and skimp the rest of the day and still slide under the radar!

SO, the plan is to make healthy, well-balanced choices, set a goal for the day, and stick to it! I'm stuck doing Zumba once, but I WON'T get stuck again!

6:00 a.m. walk with neighbor

8:00 a.m. Breakfast 300 cal/ 7g fat
1/2 bagel with 1oz r.f. cream cheese, yogurt

11:00 a.m. snack 275 cal/ 6g fat
pretzels with spicy humus, banana

Total: 575 cal/ 13g fat

Day 6

6:15 a.m. Walked the dog

7:15 a.m. went back to bed

8:30 a.m. breakfast (kinda) 140/4

10:00 a.m. snack 225/6.5
fruit smoothie, Ezekial bread, 1oz r.f. cream cheese

I am very tired today, still recovering from the allergy attack on Wednesday, but I am pushing through . . .

Total: 365 cal/ 10.5g fat

Day 5

I feel like poop.

7:30-9:00 a.m. Breakfast (it took me that long to eat it) 440 cal/9g fat
banana/milk/nesquick(sugar free)/milled flax seed smoothie, Ezekial toast with 1oz low-fat cream cheese

still feel like poop.
the rest of the day included a Fresco style Ranchero Chicken Soft Taco from Taco Bell as well as a cheese roll-up acouple hours later (starving with no other food around, BAD COMBINATION!), a couple delicious and very healthy saladsm and then . . .

I officially lost the challenge today. I didn't eat anything bad for me. I ate every 2-3 hours like I was supposed to. I worked out at the Y, even though I felt TERRIBLE. BUT, I went over on my calories by about 400. Right around 9:30, feeling misserable, having just cleaned up my bed (Charlie was mad at me and squirted some kind of lotion all over the bed, even moving the blankets around to make sure he got EVERYTHING saturated), and shoved all of the clean laundry to the side on my bedroom floor (Charlie also dumped the equivellent of 8 loads of clean laundry, all of it folded, most of it sorted, onto the floor in a massive heep), and put everyone to bed, except the two youngest, I turned on the tv and grabbed a fiber one bar. The baby wanted one so I got it for him. He didn't eat it in the end, but I did. I believe I also had a couple handfuls of r.f. wheat thins. so i am the loser. I have to Zumba. grrr. but that doesn't mean I give up.

Day 4

5:45a.m. quick workout at the Y (cardio/strength routine)

7:35 a.m. Breakfast 290cal/2.5g fat
banana, cherrios, 1/2c 1% milk, COFFEE (not much sleep for tony again last night . . . grrrrr)

off to the first doctor visit of the day . . .

10:00 snack 220 cal/4.5g fat
fiber one bar, yogurt

11:00 snack (part 2) 130 cal/7g fat
pepper jack cheese and ham

off to doctor visit number two
11:30 nonfat cafe mocha at mcdonalds (no whipped cream or syrup) cause I am so freakin' tired . . . the nutrition thingy said 280/5 but I couldn't find the info without the whipped cram or syrup. I know that it is no fat, but not sure on the calories. A serving of hershey's syrup, which is what they use is 100 calories and I have no clue on the whipped cream, 'cuz I don't BUY it! So I think I could fairly say 130/0 but I don't want to be too leaniant (shut up, Robin) with myself so I am going to say 180cal/0g fat

2:00 lunch 410 cal/11g fat
rommaine salad with grilled chicken (leftovers!), pico de gallo (it is now all gone and I am sad), light ranch, carrots . . . yogurt . . . and cheerios

6:30 dinner 395 cal/7g fat
leftover chicken (still amazing) in a low carb, whole wheat wrap with 1Tbsp bbq sauce, lots of asparagus (too mushy), and a banana

Total: 1625 cal/32g fat

TOO low on fat. not healthy. :-(

I feel like death. my allergies are aweful. On the bright side, my abs are getting a great workout with all of the sneezing. grrrr. i want to eat because i feel like dirt and i want the comfort of it. but . . . i really hate zumba and the thought of doing that is enough to send me to bed without eating anything else. . .
;-p

Day 3

Ooooo do I feel GOOD this morning! I had a terrible night's sleep, thanks to my little man, Tony. But, I can feel my body cleaning out and returning to normal already! It is amazing what eating well does for your body! AND your outlook!

Today's goal: 1800 cal/45-60g fat

6:00 a.m. 1 hour walk the my neighbor
fiber one bar 140 cal/4.5g fat

8:15a.m. Breakfast 410 cal/10g fat
1egg/2egg white cooked in 1Tbsp virgin coconut oil, 1 slice Ezekial bread, 2 Tbsp pico de gallo, coffee with fat-free creamer. (LOTS of coffee, remember the terrible night's sleep!) **all my coffee added about 120 calories. I am weening back on the creamer again. **

Headed to the zoo now with the boys to meet friends!
11:45p.m. Lunch 445 cal/15.5g fat
my AMAZING "taco" salad (but bigger)

3:00 p.m. snack 150 cal/1g fat
grapes
cherrios

4:30 snack 200 cal/12g fat
pb&j
5:15 workout at the Y (back workout)

8:30 dinner 450 cal/9.5g fat
crockpot chicken (some herb/wine seasoning packet and about 1/2 c white wine, omGOSH! delicious!), mashed potatoes (made with some low-fat milk and NO, I repeat NO, butter), and steamed garlic cauliflower (I can't believe I ate that and LIKED it!)
Totals: 1795 cal/ 52.5g fat

Day 2

8:30 a.m. Breakfast 385 cal/8g fat
Steal-cut oatmeal with 1 Tbsp milled flaxsee, 1 Tbsp pure maple syrup, 1/2 banana, 1 c 1% milk. A smidge of the milk goes in with the oatmeal. This is SUCH a yummy breakfast! Also a POWERHOUSE of nutrition. I'm struggling a bit because after last night my brain wants to just eat, eat, eat! When I am in the zone, this breakfast is very filling. So I shall pop in a peice of gum and drink that water! I am determined to make this a good day! (I seriously hate Zumba, people!)

10:45 snack 135/10
yellow pepper strips, baby carrots, cherry tomatoes, low-fat ranch,m and a reduced-fat cheese stick.

12:45 Lunch 345 cal/14.5
salad (broccoli slaw, chicken breast, reduced-fat Feta, roasted red pepper dressing), reduced-fat wheat thins

3:30 snack 190 cal/4.5g fat
Fiber One bar and an apple
5:15 Workout at the YMCA (track warm-up, chest workout, and 20 minutes on the elliptical)
8:45 p.m. dinner 350 cal/ 12.5g fat
1/2 c fat-free refied beans, 3oz chicken breast grilled in southwest seasoning (Mrs. Dash) and 1/2 Tbsp coconut oil, pico de gallo, 1 Tbsp reduced-fat Feta, 1 cup shredded rommaine, and 2 Tbsp. tortilla strips. DELICIOUS! I want more! but I am full so I will walk away! but oh baby, will I do that tomorrow!
Total 1405 cal/49.5g fat

Note to Robin: 45g of fat is pretty tight for me, given all of the healthy fats I try to eat every day. The numbers don't lie. I'm going to shoot for between 45 and 60g of fat per day, leaning on the 45 side. I looked at it for today and I ate really well, but barely squeaked by!

How was YOUR day?!

Day 1

8:00 a.m.

45 minute Turbo Jam workout



9:45 a.m. Breakfast 360 cal/15.5g fat

Egg omlet with coconut oil, yellow peppers, and onion

1 sl. Ezekial bread

4 oz o.j.



12:15 p.m. Lunch 385 cal/11g fat

Turkey and Pepperjack roll-up

1/2 c steamed broccoli

banana

1 c 1% milk

3:45 Snack 150 cal/3.5g fat

raisins

laughing cow cheese and crackers

6:00 Snack 200 cal/7g fat

soy nuts and a pear

7:30 Dinner 480 cal/9g fat

Baked Chicken, spaghetti, asparagus

8:00 cleaning up from dinner, grazing off of the kids plates . . . 100cal/2g fat

totals: 1675 cal/ 48g fat

looks good, right? WRONG

See, Eric came home from getting Simon and brought a box of chocolage cupcakes with him. (Thanks, Mom. You are the ultimate sabature. angry face.) I'm not gonna lie. Between dinner and bed I ate FOUR of them. (sad face) they were so incredibly good. I couldn't stop myself. It was like I lost all control of my senses. THEN, I raided the freezer and ate two Resee's PB cups (again, thanks, mom.) Now that I think about it, I also eight about 8 lemon sugar wafers (another gift from my mother). What the flip is wrong with me? So in the end I had about 3000 calories and about 100g of fat. All I can say at this point is THANK THE GOOD LORD that Sunday is a day of grace.

I will be calling mom today to talk about her latest habit of dropping of all of these treats. I know waht she will say. They are for the kids! Not you! doesn't matter. For whatever reason, I have no self-control right now and am in a messed-up emotional place. I'm telling her that if she brings it, I will pitch it. period.

Now, I need to get serious because Monday is NOT a day of grace and I'll be darned it I lose to Robin on the first real day!

It is ON!

So here it is, the challenge to beat all challenges! My dear friend Robin and I have thrown down the perverbial gauntlet in a battle of wills to see who can control their eating habits the longest in our journey to healthier lifestyles.

The rules:
-Our nutritional goals are 1600 calories and 45g of fat per day.

-Sunday's are our "Day of Grace," basically an off day.

-We shall not go 100 calories or 5g of fat over our target for the day.

-The winner choses the losers next workout.

------------
This is just the motivation I need to stick to healthier eating habits. You see, dear people, Robin LOVES Zumba and Marti HATES Zumba! No way am I letting her win this one!

If you follow this blog then you know that I really struggle with my eating habits. I love good food and bad food alike. I also turn to food to deal with my emotions, even though I know that this is counter-productive in the end. But Robin knows that I love a good challenge AND how I feel about Zumba!

I am digging deep

I have been struggling for almost two weeks now with my diet. I LOVE to eat. As I've mentioned I really enjoy both healthy AND unhealthy food. I also know that I am an "all or nothing" kind of person. Once I start eating junk I just don't stop. I become obsessed with the next junk food. For two weeks I worked out like crazy and then ruined it with bad eating. This week has been a disaster. Circumstances beyond my control have led me to not be able to work out as much. I'm still eating terribly. And today I felt awful in my own skin. I feel fat. I feel like doing nothing. I realized tonight that I have watched more TV in the last week than I watched for the entire month of June! This is not good.
I'm pretty unhappy and I think it's mostly because I am not living the way that I want to live. I am not being the person that I know I really am.
Tonight I did a really tough workout with a friend. I felt both incredibly strong and miserably weak at various points of the workout. All of these emotions started hitting me. I started thinking, "THIS is who I am." The real me is a strong woman who loves to push herself to new levels in the gym and reach new goals. The real me puts on her jeans and feels GREAT! The real me keeps needing to get new jeans in smaller sizes because she has a goal and she is focused! I really want to get back to the real me. It's time to stop eating the crap. I'm ready to get out of this vicious cycle of eating.

I had a mini-breakthrough on Sunday that I have been trying to work through all week. It's not pretty. But I need to just say it out loud. Maybe then I can let it go. Sometimes, a lot of the times, when I eat bad I am in a moment of sadness, anger, frustration, dissappointment, or abandonment and this panic comes over me. In that moment I am in such an ugly place of dispair and all I want is something good. Something that for that moment will make me feel good. Food is what I turn to. I know that ultimately the foods I grab are bad for me but in that moment, they taste good and I can focus on that for a second and escape my feelings. It's a pretty ugly thing. I have tons of friends who say, "Call me!" but that doesn't help in the moment. If I call you then I will have to talk about it and at that moment I don't want to talk about it. I want to escape it. Being practical or logical doesn't help either. In the moment there is no such thing as logical or practical.
Ultimately, this is a great sin that I am battling. My trust MUST be in the Lord. In those moments of despair it is Him that I should be turning to. It's so obvious but that reality has just occured to me. So maybe that is where I need to start. I CAN do ALL THINGS through CHRIST who STRENGTHENS me.

There . . . I said it. I don't feel better yet . . . :-) But that is okay. One day, one moment at a time.

Some Things I Know

1. Losing weight and maintaining your weight is 80% food consumption. I proved that this week . . . again.

2. I LOVE salty, fatty, greasy food. Not all of it, but a lot of it. It is sooooo yummy.

3. I also LOVE fresh, colorful, healthy food. I love preparing it and serving it to my husband, and savoring each bite.

4. The afore mentioned salty, fatty, greasy food leads to me feeling cranky, irritable, and sick to my stomache. It also leads to more bathroom time, oh joy.

5. The afore mentioned fresh, colorful, healthy food make me feel GOOD! Not cranky or irritable, but proud of myself for eating so well.

6. I don't know how to get it through my thick skull that I need to stay away fromt the salty, fatty, greasy food because it just isn't worth it.

7. I am tired of feeling cranky, irritable, and sick to my stomache. I think I am done with that for the time being.

8. I'm pretty sure that I spelled at I spelled a hole bunch of words wrong in this post. I am not a speller . . .

Aaaaargh!

So the FWSW contest I was helping with ended on Saturday. It was a great 15 weeks. I lost another 36 pounds, bringing my total for the year to 66. Not too shabby!

But . . . it is crazy how the contest ending can totally mess me up. I had this great routine going and now it is GONE! It is like the bottom fellow out on me. I am suddenly just so overwhelmed by my life! I don't know how to get everything done! (Before I was just not getting anything done!) School starts soon, 4-H is in one week and we have done almost NOTHING, and I'm not getting my food prep done, thus my eating is BAD, BAD, BAD!

The one thing that IS in place is my workout schedule. I flipped out a little on Monday because I felt like I was going to loose control of THAT, too. But, I have a great friend to work out with three mornings a week, I signed up for a class at the Y two mornings a week, I work out with someone who really pushes me two evenings a week, and P90X is on the way to throw in there as well.

I am going to get through this next week and the 4-H craziness, then one more week of baseball. I am determined to do as little extra curricular as possible in August and really focus on getting my life organized and back on track!

It's All About the Journey . . . Right?

When I began this year all I wanted to do was get back to 200. Somewhere along the way I started wanting to go so much further than that. There was a time when I thought I could never get below 160. Well, now that I am at 180 I want so much more for myself! I see myself getting to 140. As in, by January 1, 2010 I see it! I believe it is possible!
Suddenly I am this lady who "eats clean" on a daily basis and is unwilling to buy foods with high fructose corn syrup or hydrogenated oils in them. I make quinoa for supper and sweet potatoes, broccoli, onions, garlic, asparagus, and zuchini are things I eat almost daily! (I still struggle with eating right all of the time. My dear friend Robin, who is so WISE says that I am an all-or-nothing kinda gal and I know that she is right. But I am working on that.)
I am an exercise fanatic, finding my favorite activity of the day to be horribly difficult workouts at the gym! I ran a half-marathon last week in 2 1/2 hours!
Crazy, crazy, crazy! I'm likin' these changes and just hope that I can remember how awesome this feels on that day in the not-so-distant future when I wake up depressed and hungry and ready to eat an entire batch of cookies with ice cream!

Growing Up

I realized something this weekend.

It is time for me to start growning up. At 33 years old I still find myself inclined to devour (sp?) a batch of cookies instead of eating one or two. When I make spaghetti for dinner I want to pile my plate high and go to town. How about ice cream? Who needs a bowl when you can just eat 1/2 a carton?

These are the tendencies and urges I battle on a regular basis. Pretty juevenile. When I look at my kids I completely understand their childish urge to guzzle a 24 oz bottle of Coke. I, as the wise mommy, know to temper that desire because it isn't good for them. Yet I struggle daily to do this with myself.

I'm getting better at telling myself no, but am struggling with the emotions that this brings up. Case in point: we had friends over Sunday afternoon. It was a really nice afternoon. They have six kids as well, about the same age as ours. the kids played nicely and we, the adults, were able to relax and visit. I made a huge veggie platter, a delicious (if I do say so myself) fruit salad, and hamburgers on the grill. We also had chips and potato salad for everyone, not necessarily for me. My friend brought dessert . . . her famously delicious cookie bars . . . which I renamed "sin in a pan" last summer. I did good. I ate lots of fruit and veggies and allowed myself a cheeseburger. I even ate one serving of the potato chips (Lay's tomato and basil, to DIE for delicious!). But I knew I couldn't eat one of those cookie bars. They are so good but SO fattening! I persevered and did not indulge but it was SO hard! I actually felt a LOSS when she left and there were none for me to eat. My head knows that this is irrational. But, this is the hurdle I am trying to get over right now.

I call this hurdle growing up. So if anyone knows any tricks to getting over this hurdle I would LOVE to hear them! For now, I will have to say no. I sent the chips to work with Eric so I wouldn't be tempted by them.

I'm down 3.8 pounds this week! This was a big shocker as I was expecting a 1 or 2 pound loss. Just 21 more pounds to a big goal of mine . . . 100#'s lost.

=-)

The Long Haul

Another week, another three pounds! I am very pleased with the result but also a little frustrated with myself. Every week I get going and do great. I am focused. I eat well, I work out hard, I feel GOOD! Then the weekend hits and I inevitably hit rock bottom. Sometimes it's a party, sometimes it is just a bad day, sometimes I think it is just me being STUBBORN! When I look back I feel frustrated by where I COULD be. I could be another 10 pounds closer to my goal if not for my slip-ups. In the end I am only hurting myself. When I was in the contest I NEVER, EVER, EVER did this. I was very in-tuned to all of the money and time that was donated for me to have the opportunity so it was not an option to skimp on a workout or blow it on my food-intake. With the contest gone, the accountability went with it. I have had several attempts to create some accountability with friends and/or family since then. This doesn't really work the same. Your friends and family love you and when you screw up they are there to tell you it is okay. They might even give you a little push to get back on the wagon. But that isn't really the same.
So, somehow, I have to learn to be accountable to MYSELF! When I see the bag of chips or the piece of cake I have to say no for ME! That is a TALL, TALL order, friends. Food tastes good. I like a lot of that naughty stuff. I also have learned that I don't like some of it. But, alas I am not at a place where I can indulge in a single serving of the chips or a single piece of the cake. So I just have to say, "NO." Not because someone gave me an opportunity, not because I want to win a prize, not because I don't want to let someone else down. I need to learn to say, "NO!" because I don't want to dissapoint myself.

I'm going to chew on that for a while . . . .



oh . . . if you are curious about the Coca-Cola experiment . . . .

ew, ew, ew. Four days after putting the nail in a 4 oz cup of Coke the nail was GONE, people! I didn't believe it would happen, but it DID! No more Coke for me! This definitely made an impression on my boys as well. They were immediately concerned because, "Daddy drank a bunch of Coke last night!" as Joey put it. We now have nails in cups of Ginger Ale and 7-Up. It won't have the same result, but who am I to squelch their curiosity . . . Now I need an experiment for these pops, otherwise I can here it now . . . "Gee, Mom, this pop must be healthy!"

We are going to do this experiment with Diet Coke next. I just need to buy some at the store. . .

She DID It!

That's right, folks! It only took me three weeks to actually do it, but I went under the 200# mark this week! I officially weighed in at 198 on Tuesday morning! Oh, does it feel GOOD!

I have been trying to get to this point for what seems like soooo long, and I am finally here! There's no stopping me now! I am pumped and ready to push on and get to that next goal!

**********

We are going to try an experiment later this week. We will put a nail in a cup of Coke and see what happens. I am told that the nail will disappear. Ewww, and people DRINK that? My kids are obsessed with pop. I am hoping that this will help them to see why I don't want them to drink it!

It's Time to Get to Gettin'

Alright. Here it is. For the last two weeks I have been treating myself right in the gym and then ruining it all in the kitchen. Not every day, but most days I have ended up eating crazy stuff in crazy quantities, usually for NO REASON! Each day I start over, telling myself that I CAN DO THIS and that I am back on track. Inevitably I end up ruining it at some point.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! NO MORE!

I am really frustrated and annoyed with myself. I don't want to be like this. I should be down around 195 right now. Instead I am lingering at 202, having gained a pound for the first time in 17 weeks. Sure, grand scheme a pound is nothing. But right now, in the moment, a pound is a big deal. Gaining one can very easily turn into 2, then 5, then 10 . . . I'm determined to NOT go down THAT road again. Maybe I needed to gain a pound to wake myself up? I don't know but I will tell you this: I AM AWAKE!
Back to journaling everything. I have asked someone I trust to hold me accountable with my journal and review it each week. That helps me. It is a pride thing, really. Knowing someone is going to look at it motivates me to eat right and make it the most beautiful food journal EVER!
I also need more sleep. I have been staying up too late and I am exhausted every day.
I am going to do this! I am going to reach my goals! Not for anyone else, for ME!
Mark my words. Next week I will be 198 and below!

Thank God for New Days!

Each morning when I rise I am so thankful to God that we can start anew each day! Last night after my little binge and pitty party I went downstairs and hopped on the stationary bike. I rode for an hour, burning off all the calories from my overeating as well as the 500 I try to burn every day. Afterwards I was still full from eating and had NO desire to eat! I drank a bunch of water and headed up to bed. I felt so much better this morning!
I started a new fitness class at the YMCA today. It is called 3-2-1 something or other. Basically you do 3 minutes cardio, 2 minutes weights, and 1 minute abs. I really enjoyed the class. The wieght training was just about right for me. The cardio was a little easy but thanks to the training I have recieved through FWSW I was able to modify and make it harder. I'm looking forward to my Friday mornings now!
Tonight is a birthday party for one of my FAVORITE people! There will be lots of yumminess there. I'm going to Spiece for an intense hour-long workout before I go. My metabolism and my conscience will need it!

Struggling . . .

I am struggling, struggling, struggling right now. This happens about once a month with me. All I want to do is eat. That's all I did last week, aside from exercising. I lost a pound but it came right back on Wednesday. Why do I do this to myself? I always regret it the next day and I know what I SHOULD be doing. I just get in this rut. Thank God there isn't much for horribly bad for me food in the house.

The Week in Review-revised

I can't believe a week has gone by! First of all, I lost another 3.4 pounds last week! Can I get a woohoo?! Last Sunday I went to Fort Wayne and participated in my first 5K. I completed it in 38 minutes! I was very proud of that. On the down side, I hurt my foot. Apparently the high-impact on concrete was a BAD thing. I've run one time since, which sent me into a second round of painful walking. I am majorly bummed about this. It depresses me to not be able to do it. Having an injury makes me feel like I can't succeed, which I know is ridiculous. At this point I am trying to accept that I cannot run for a while. I'm goig to take a month off from it and then see what happens.
ALSO on Sunday last week, I had an opportunity to try Zumba. I suspected I would hate it, but have a friend who loves it so I commited to giving it a try.
If you love Zumba and are easily offended, skip this next paragraph . . .







Zumba is just plain WRONG. It is "exercise" centered around sexually driven dance moves. EVERY SINGLE SONG. Exercise or not, shaking your anything like THAT is completely inappropriate. I kept thinking, "If Jesus were standing right here, would I do this?" And of course the answer was a resounding, "NO!" The worst thing about the whole experience was that I stayed. I knew I should leave but I didn't want to offend my friend. I put her above my moral conscience.
Most would say I am a prude and that I am overreacting. I would disagree. Their voices represent the world and its lies. I know that I am a beautiful creature, created by God. More importantly, I know why I was made. And being "sexy" has nothing to do with knowing, loving, and serving God.

okay . . . I feel better now.




So this week has been TERRIBLE as far as my eating habits. Every day I have eaten too much and have eaten horrible foods at some point. I'm exercising hard but it's all a waste of time when I don't eat right. I was supposed to hit my goal of getting under 200 this Tuesday. That is all but impossible at this point. It has also been a very busy and stressful week in which I have become overwhelmed by it all. And when that happens, I eat. I'm pretty disappointed in myself. I know that all I can do is move on from it and try to do better each day. So, that's what I am going to do.

I Am a Biker Chick

It's true! Two years ago for my birthday my lovely mother bought me a brand new bike. (My biker-chick-friends call the bike "Cory" because they have a ridiculous obsession with naming their bikes!) I carry a special fondness in my heart for my bike. I strap on my helmet, hop on, and suddenly I am twelve again, escaping to a world of freedom! I have no idea how many rides we took that summer or how many miles we racked up, but I do know that I have memories to last a lifetime!
Last summer was a flop with the bike. Being pregnant will do that to a girl and her bike. I did go on one phenomenal ride with the girls in March (yes, that's right, I was SEVEN months pregnant). I barely fit between the seat and the handle bars! Oh, was that ride tough! I think we went20 miles. I had to be picked up before the end because I couldn't make it the last two miles. And the girls could have gone farther. I know they could have but not once did they complain. They were so gracious about turning around and heading back. I almost lost my life that day in a horrible bike accident. Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad. But that day will go down in history as the day the L tried to kill me! hahahaha!
This summer I am back to the old, new, ME! I had my first big ride of the season! It was a short little jont (gont, jaunt?) from one park to the next, about 12 miles. When the others left I rode back out to the other park and back. I rode a total of 20 miles! WooWHOO! Man did that feel good!
flashback
When I was twelve my mom was in the hospital a lot over the summer. That summer was a mixture of emotions but one thing stands out. We were FREE! Nothing against mom, but she ran a tight ship. (I am thankful for that tight ship, friends. It kept me safe from a lot of ugly things in the world.) But while she was in the hospital, dad had to work and take care of us and still manage to spend time with her. This translated to LOTS of independence for the Frisch kids! Sure, we still had our chores to do. And, we really were worried about mom. She had been diagnosed with Crones desease, which is AWEFUL, and had major surgery that summer. But during much of our free time we were out on our bikes, riding the neighborhood (in the STREET! Shocking, I know!) Our favorite ride was to go from our house to Foster park and then ride all the way out to Tillman Park. I am guessing this to be about 12 miles, round trip. This was a ride we were allowed to take and we felt like "big kids" getting to go so far! We'd take that ride two or three times a day sometimes! Oh the memories!
Today we took that same ride, from Foster to Tillman. It was very poignant to me. Being on my bike puts me in touch with that little girl that is who I really am, beneath all the layers that time, marriage, and motherhood have covered me with.
I look forward to many rides this summer! L and R don't know it yet, but I have great things in store for us! Marti and "Cory" are BACK!

Training for a Mini Marathon

Last year, inspired by The Biggest Loser, the FWSW crew participated in a mini-marathon for the last week of their program. It took place on the weekend of July 4th. I don't think I will ever forget that day. Tony was about 7 or 8 weeks old. I went to cheer them on. I went to walk some laps with people when they looked like they needed a friend. I went because I love all things FWSW!
Well, I started with a friend and never stopped! (almost) We walked the first 20 laps or so and then started jogging. I felt so good! I couldn't believe that I was keeping up! And Tony was happy to lay in the arms of Tina's mom and get some good snuggle time.
Suddenly I realized that I could actually complete the course! So I kept going. After a while my abdominal area started to HURT. What the heck! Oops. I suddenly remembered that emergency C-SECTION I had just had! Maybe I shouldn't jog. Then the baby needed to nurse. But I didn't want to stop because I knew I would run out of time! So . . . I nursed the baby while walking a couple more laps. I call it, "Promoting Breastfeeding!" Anywho . . .
Well then I had to go to the bathroom. Taking must two minutes off of the course was NOT GOOD! My whole body, from the waiste down, started to cramp up. That last 1/3 of the mini was one of the hardest thing I have every done, outside of a birthing room at a hospital. Every step was pain.
I went out to lunch afterwards with a couple of friends. I could barely walk from my van to the restaurant door. It took five days for me to be able to walk without wincing.
On the one hand, I was so proud of completing the mini (in 3 hours and 58 minutes) and on the other I couldn't believe how out of shape I was!

9 months later I am gearing up for the opportunity to participate in that marathon again! July 3, 2010 is my target date. Thats 11 weeks from tomorrow. I have been back at the gym for over three months now. This week I started training for the mini. There is a great website, http://www.running.about.com, that has all kinds of info. I found a training schedule there to help me train. So last night I jog/walked 3 miles! I am incredibly slow but I am doing it!
My goal this year is not so much to finish the mini fast, 'cause Lord knows THAT is IMPOSSIBLE! My goal is to finish it stong! My goal is to be able to walk out of there, as opposed to limping out of there!

I better go. I broke my own new rule and am eating breakfast at the computer. I am seeing why this is a bad idea. It's been an hour since I sat down here and I am STILL not done eating! (Not a big meal, just a lot of typing! ha!)

Be Mindful!

I went to a FANTASTIC meeting for FWSW last night. Ann Reidenbach spoke to us about "Mindful Eating". A lot of what she had to say made sense to me. What does it mean to be "mindful"? What is a "mindful eater"? We of course were only able to touch the tip of the ice berg, but it was a great start!

According to Ann, a mindful eater is diligently aware of what is going on within their body as well as their surroundings when choosing to eat or not to eat, WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.

We spent a bit of time talking about what hunger feels like, what happens when we get too hungry, too full, etc. Anne had a great hunger/fullness scale to aid in the discussion. The gist of the conversation was that we should feel hungry before we eat. Not crazy over the top pshycho hungry, but reasonably strong signals of hunger. Then, we should enjoy our food, taking our time to eat it. We should stop eating when we feel comfortably full.

The tricks to that
*You have to be PREPARED to be able to eat when you reach that hungerness level.
*You need to not be doing anything while you eat so that you can actually enjoy the "experience".
*You have to learn where that line is for you between starting to feel full, being comfortably full, and very full.

I am enjoying a snack of light cheese and crackers while typing this. Snacks don't count, right?

Finally, we did a rather strange "tasting" exercise. It was strange, but it was GOOD! First, we were supposed to get in a sort of meditative place. Then we took a raisin and really focused on it with our senses. You know, how does it feel between your fingers, what does it look like/smell like. Then we put it in our mouth but didn't chew it. I know, it sounds goofy, but stick with me! We again focused on texture/feel/taste. Then we chewed it, continuing to be aware of the food. We chewed it a lot. Then swallowed. In all of it's goofiness it made COMPLETE SENSE! One person even said that they suddenly realized that they don't actually LIKE raisins! Another said that she had never really tasted a raisin before this! It was a great exercise in mindfulness. How often do we just sit down and start shovelling the food into our mouths? Do we really taste what we are eating?

Ann recommends doing this with one food every day and then eventually doing this with one meal a day. I don't know if my scatter-brain can handle a whole meal! BUT, I will say that today I made a point of making a nice lunch and sitting at the table, far away from the computer to enjoy my lunch. I couldn't help myself and ended up skimming the local paper for a few minutes, but I was definitely much more aware of the meal and how wonderful it was.

For a while now I have been eating on a schedule, whether I am hungry or not. But today I am trying to wait until I actually feel hungry. And, I am trying to pay attention to how my stomache feels to let me know when to stop. I though my lunch was kind of big today, but I ate it all and enjoyed it. And when I was done I was comfortably full. Three and a half hours later I started to feel hungry and had a snack.

And finally, Ann said something that made me stop and think. Know your greatest weekness and respect the food that triggers you. So cookies are definitely a trigger for me, especially my homemade ones. I need to respect the draw that those cookies have on me and keep them out until I am ready to overcome that weakness. I think. (I make really good cookies, man!)

Stats

I currently weigh 208 pounds, depending on the day. In the last 3 1/2 months I have lost 35 pounds, which I am very proud of. I was gifted with a six month membership to he worlds GREATEST gym at the start of the new year. I have been doing my best to take full advantage of that! I take classes when I can (my favorites are kickboxing and power (weightlifting) ) and when classes aren't happening I spend a lot of time with my arch-nemesis the stairmaster.

I am currently mentoring a fabulous group of people who are in a weightloss competition called Fort Wayne's Smallest Winner. You should check them out. The website is www.fortwaynesmallestwinner.com and they are awesome! I was lucky enough to be a contestant during the first year and lost 70 pounds! Now I am working on getting back to that winning weight and move beyond to some bigger and better goals! I am not really sure what a "mentor" really is yet, but I am doing my best to be supportive and helpful to these new contestants. They are so inspiring to me! The work very hard and never stop trying!

As for my goals I would really like to get down to 160 pounds. Even more, I would really like to get to that weight by July 10th, which is the finale for the contest. It is a pretty tough goal, but then who wants an easy goal? Not me!

Another new goal for me is to learn to climb a rock wall. This is something I never thought I would be able to do. And, I am a little afraid of heights. When I hit that 160 I am planning to find a place in my area where I can learn to do this. It is a bit scary for me to contemplate, but also very exciting! Imagine, being at a weight were I would be comfortable enough to even try!

So, my biggest challenge in this journey is also my biggest inspiration and motivation. I have been blessed with six beautiful little boys. They are all about two years apart, spanning in age from 11 months to 11 years. We are a homeschooling family, although we do send our little ones to preschool an kindergarten. They require much of my time and attention. I love them so very much and give pretty much all of me to them. Unfortunately that doesn't leave much time for ME! Hence the extra pounds.

My husband is a great support to me. Sometimes that is hard for him and sometimes I can be a bit demanding. It is a pretty big step for us to be at a place where being fit and healthy is important to BOTH of us! Him being on the same page as me is making all the difference in the world!

Losing It With Six

So here it is. For a while I have been toying with the idea of a new blog, all about trying to lose weight. I know, they are a dime a dozen. But this is ME! Fabulous, incredibly interesting, wonderful ME! Right?!

Sometimes I just want to vent about this process and what better place to do that than a blog?

So here I go . . .